“Break-up” – a deep, dark word which makes us gloomy as soon as we hear it!! Most of us might have had one or more break-ups in our lives. I won’t ask you which break-up of yours caused you the most pain! No. I know you don’t want to recall it and it’s the best you can do to protect your soul.
However, I would put forth a question… Have you ever thought which break-up causes the most damage to us?? With whom you would never want to break up? What kind of break-up would be worst ever in your life?
These questions were bothering me for a while and lately I figured out answer to this- Break-up with Self. Yes, you heard me right!! .
There are numerous times in our lives when we are ready to give up..Give up on ourselves for not being able to handle a relationship or not being able to pull through a financial crisis or may be while suffering from some physical ailment. Also, when we are rearing a child sometimes we just lose our cool and find ourselves to be a loser. And all this while, we tend to lose our own self in struggling with the various responsibilities of life. We forget to give ourselves the much needed love and care that we deserve. It’s always about our kids, our husbands, our families, our jobs but never about us!
Being a woman and mother of a 5month old baby, I realized of late that I had kind of broke up with myself after the delivery of my baby. Rearing a baby is not a cake-walk! It takes up a whole lot of you. It demands all of your strength -both physical and mental. After I had a baby, all I could think of and do about was The Baby! Anxious about everything, right from my body, the post partum health issues( I had a C-Sec and yes it was painful for first ten days or so) and slow recovery to the dos n donts told by relatives, the health of baby and the plethora of household chores that follow- with all this anxiety I was always blue..gloomy. Every other day I ended up feeling that I am not giving my best and that I don’t have it in me. Despite my husband’s love and care, in the past five months I could not imagine myself leaving my home with or without baby for an outing except for his hospital visits. I rarely did what I enjoyed the most like listening to FM while cooking, writing my poems, reading novels, hanging out with friends!! Basically, I had snapped up ties with Myself. This realization made my heart sink. I had tears welled up in my eyes and I just could not hold them back for another second. It seemed as if I had no life left in me. Inspite of having full support of my husband and mother-in-law I sometimes found myself dejected. Its nothing like that I was not enjoying my motherhood… I relished each n every move my baby made, his expressions, activities kept me enthralled but still something seemed amiss. But thankfully, this anxiety did not turn into depression and almost within a fortnight, while sitting in solitude I tried to come up with solutions for my state.
For all new mums like me I would like to share five ways to not ever have the worst break up of your life–
1. Prioritize- As they say First Things First. Your first priority should be You and your baby. Period. Laundry, cooking, cleaning can all take a back seat. If you think you don’t feel like cooking, order something. Keep those laundry for next day and let those toys be scattered around house for a while. Don’t think about what others might say. You can complete your chores as soon as you gather back yourself.
2. Be an opportunist- There should be no shame in seeking help of your near and dear ones. If you’re lucky like me to have a joint family, don’t shy from asking them to take care of baby or help in chopping veggies or any little help they can offer. Take a short nap or just lie down on bed while they’ll take care of things. If you’re all by yourself, hire a help if you can. You can invite your neighbors for tea and while you make some, they can take care of baby… Good relations always go a long way. Neighbors are always the first rescuer so maintain warmth with them. But never forget to return the favor whenever time comes.
3. Strike chord with your interests – Whether it’s your love for painting or writing or reading or any other hobby, DO MAKE SURE to take time out for it. Believe me, there’s no other stress relieving therapy as to do what you love.
Play your favorite music while cooking or try some easy, quick painting, craft etc while your baby naps. I made hand painted tshirts for my husband and my father on Fathers Day with help of liquid embroidery colors, when my baby took his afternoon naps.
Infact, right now while my baby is fast asleep beside me, I am having my de-stress session by writing what I feel. Writing makes me feel good and that’s what I am doing whenever I can.
Now I know that you just got to take that first step and slowly you’ll automatically find time for doing what you love!
4. Befriend Nature– Nature always has to offer you the peace and serenity you deserve. Make sure to go for a stroll in evening with your baby. No need to open your wardrobe or wear make up. Just tie up your hair in a messy bun, splash some cold water on your face, pat it dry if you want to and you’re good to go! Your baby loves you that way and that’s what matters the most. Just enjoy a 10minutes stroll in your locality. Enjoy some fresh air. Tell your baby all that you see. He will also connect with it really well and would get to learn new words and observe new surroundings.
5. Cheer yourself– Last but not the least, cheer yourself. As a woman and mother we play multi roles all at the same time with little honor or acknowledgement. There is a Durga in everyone of us. We are doing a great great job…A job that no one on earth could ever take up. We are the chosen ones and so let’s celebrate ourselves every moment. Pat our backs and cheer ourselves!!!
I have learnt my lesson and would want you to learn from mine. Come, let’s take a promise to never break up with our own self!