Brother From Another Mother! 

Family isn’t always blood. It’s the people who are there for you, accept you in their lives and love to see you smile, no matter what! 

And I am one lucky person to have a family beyond blood. My father is a Indian Railway employee and in 1991 we (papa, mummy, me and my younger sister) moved into Railway colony at Allahabad. My mother was expecting my youngest sister at that time. So, in a few months we were a family of five- the fabulous five. Little did we know that this family of five was going to have four more members and we would be now one big family of nine!! No, no, my parents were by no means planning a cricket team… These four members were actually our dearest neighbours- Uncle, Aunty,their son and daughter-making us a big HAPPY FAMILY. Today years later, many more members have now occupied our hearts- sister-in-law, brother-in-law, their kids, our spouses, our kids and we are now this one giant family.

As we were three sisters (from my mother), we always craved for a hand to tie Rakhi on. Our prayers were heard and we got our elder brother right there in our neighbourhood. It is rightly said that true relations need not always be blood relations. True relations are built upon pure & selfless love, trust and willingness to do anything for the good of other.

 It has been wonderful 26 years now that I got my Bhaiya and Didi and there’s no looking back. They have stood by us through every thick and thin right from helping in our school-studies,tests, playing games, childhood teasings & pranks, celebrating each and every festival of calendar together to my father’s sudden cardiac ailment, our marriages and then our kids…. We have come a long long way and still a lifetime to go! My brother has always been the pillar of strength for us. It’s for him that we three sisters know the joy of Rakshabandhan…. It’s for him that inspite of living in different cities we look forward to going to hometown every Rakshabandhan! This bandhan of ours is really a bandhan for raksha- raksha of thepious love we have, raksha of thebond beyond blood !! 

Toay, I advocate that Rakshabandhan should be evolved from celebrating only brother-sister love to Sibling-love, without any bias of gender or genetic association. A child should be able to experience and celebrate the love of sibling – a sibling either from same mother or another mother. In a world of single children, we as parents have a prime responsibility to raise our children in such a manner that-

* Our kids rise above the regressive conventions of society.

*Our kids should be able to see all their fellows as their siblings.

* Each single child should atleast have a sibling beyond blood.

*Our kids should imbibe and live our vedic adage- Vasudhaiv Kutumbakam-the world is one family! 

And all this would start with us. We will have to be a living example for our kids to follow. Let’s make this world a better place to live!

HAPPY RAKSHABANDHAN!! 

मेरा पहला Mothers Day! 

मुझे मालूम है शीर्षक देख कर आपने सोचा होगा कि mothers day तो कब का बीत गया और ये madam अब जाग रही हैं!! पर बात दर असल ऐसी है कि blogging की दुनिया में में बहुत नई हूँ। अपनी ज़िंदगी के सबसे अनोखे पहले अनुभव को कागज़ पर उतारना आसान नहीं है। इसीलिए सोचते सोचते वक़्त बीत गया और ये blog अब तैयार हुआ। 

  साल 2017 मेरे जीवन का एक अनूठा मोड़ लेकर आया या यूं कहूँ कि मुझे एक नया जीवन ही मिल गया। वो कहते हैं ना कि ज़िन्दगी में हर पहली चीज़ से एक गहरा लगाव और रिश्ता बन जाता है…. जीवन का हर पहला बेहद खास होता है। 

2017 में मुझे जो सौगात मिली वो है मातृत्व। मैं पहली बार माँ बनी। पहली बार मातृत्व की भावना को समझने का मौका मिला। पहली बार एहसास हुआ कि मेरी माँ ने किस तरह एक एक पल त्याग करके मुझे बड़ा किया होगा। पहली बार एहसास हुआ कि एक नन्ही सी जान जो 9 महीने तक आपके अंदर पनप रही थी, जिसके लिए आप एक एक कदम फूंक फूंक कर रखते आए थे वो जब सामने आती है तो कैसा लगता है !

31 जनवरी 2017 को मेरा बेटा अद्वित मुझे मिला! अब उससेे जुड़ी हर चीज़ मेरे लिए पहली है और हर वो पहला लम्हा बेहद खास। इसी कड़ी में हाल ही में बीता mothers day भी मेरा पहला था और ज़ाहिर है एक भाव विभोर कर देने वाला दिन था।

मुझे कविताएं लिखने का शौक है या यूं कहूँ कि मुझे अपने दिल के गहरे ख्याल किसी से कहने में या बताने में कठिनाई होती है इसलिए वो अनकहे जज़्बात कविताओं के रूप में निकल कर मेरी diary में कैद हो जाते हैं। अब चाहे वो जज़्बात हंसाने वाले हों, रुलाने वाले या कुछ सोचने को मजबूर करने वाले।

अपने पहले mothers day पर भी मेरा कवि हृदय जाग उठा और दिल की भावनाओं को व्यक्त करने के लिए जो कविता लिखी थी वो आज आप से बांटती हूँ-

समय के स्वर्णिम पंख हैं कैसे

अविरल गति से बढ़ते जैसे। 

अभी ही तो बीते थे वो पल

तुम अंश बन जब मेरे भीतर आए, 

अनकहे अनसुलझे से वो डर

जब नौ महीनों में अंत को आए ।

अभी ही की तो बात है वो भी,

जब मन तुम्हारी छवि को बुनता था, 

तुम स्वस्थ रहो सुबुद्ध रहो, 

बस यही कामना करता था। 

फिर वो दिन भी झूमता आ ही गया 

जब तुम आए मेरी दुनिया में, 

वो मन में बसी तस्वीर भी अब

प्रत्यक्ष थी मेरी बाहों में। 

वो टिम टिम करती काली आंखें,

वो कोमल कोमल से नाज़ुक हाथ

अब तुम ही मेरी दुनिया हो,

अब हर पल उत्सव है तुम्हारे साथ।

हर दिन दिखलाते तुम नया रूप

हर पल होती कोई नई अदा,

माँ बन बीते मास तीन और चौदह दिन,

पर अमर रहेगा ये प्रेम सदा।

जब माँ मेरी कहती थी यही

खुद माँ बनोगी तो पता चलेगा,

क्यों होती है चिंता क्यों टोकती हूँ

उसका भी तुमको उत्तर मिलेगा।

आज सत्य हुई मेरी माँ की बात

हर क्षण तुम्हारी चिंता होती है,

बेसुध सोने वाली लड़की भी देखो

अब श्वान निद्रा सोती है।

ईश्वर ने माँ तो बना दिया

अब इस माँ का है ध्येय यही,

नन्ही जान को अपनी अब

सिखलाना है चुनना पथ सही।

यूँ तो आज है मेरा पहला मातृ दिवस

जब मेरी नन्ही दुनिया है मेरे साथ

तेरी निश्छल मुस्कान से लेकिन

नित हैं मातृ दिवस और रात!!

परमेश्वर से अनुपम उपहार मिला

उपहार का मान बढ़ाना है,

मातृ दिवस पर संकल्प यही अब,

श्रेष्ठ मानव तुमको बनाना है।

सबके हृदय में तुम राज करो,

ऐसा उत्कृष्ट, अद्वित बनाना है।

The worst ever breakup !! 

“Break-up” – a deep, dark word which makes us gloomy as soon as we hear it!! Most of us might have had one or more break-ups in our lives. I won’t ask you which break-up of yours caused you the most pain! No. I know you don’t want to recall it and it’s the best you can do to protect your soul.

However, I would put forth a question… Have you ever thought which break-up causes the most damage to us?? With whom you would never want to break up? What kind of break-up would be worst ever in your life?

These questions were bothering me for a while and lately I figured out answer to this- Break-up with Self. Yes, you heard me right!! .

There are numerous times in our lives when we are ready to give up..Give up on ourselves for not being able to handle a relationship or not being able to pull through a financial crisis or may be while suffering from some physical ailment. Also, when we are rearing a child sometimes we just lose our cool and find ourselves to be a loser. And all this while, we tend to lose our own self in struggling with the various responsibilities of life. We forget to give ourselves the much needed love and care that we deserve. It’s always about our kids, our husbands, our families, our jobs but never about us!

Being a woman and mother of a 5month old baby, I realized of late that I had kind of broke up with myself after the delivery of my baby. Rearing a baby is not a cake-walk! It takes up a whole lot of you. It demands all of your strength -both physical and mental. After I had a baby, all I could think of and do about was The Baby! Anxious about everything, right from my body, the post partum health issues( I had a C-Sec and yes it was painful for first ten days or so) and slow recovery to the dos n donts told by relatives, the health of baby and the plethora of household chores that follow- with all this anxiety I was always blue..gloomy. Every other day I ended up feeling that I am not giving my best and that I don’t have it in me. Despite my husband’s love and care, in the past five months I could not imagine myself leaving my home with or without baby for an outing except for his hospital visits. I rarely did what I enjoyed the most like listening to FM while cooking, writing my poems, reading novels, hanging out with friends!! Basically, I had snapped up ties with Myself. This realization made my heart sink. I had tears welled up in my eyes and I just could not hold them back for another second. It seemed as if I had no life left in me. Inspite of having full support of my husband and mother-in-law I sometimes found myself dejected. Its nothing like that I was not enjoying my motherhood… I relished each n every move my baby made, his expressions, activities kept me enthralled but still something seemed amiss. But thankfully, this anxiety did not turn into depression and almost within a fortnight, while sitting in solitude I tried to come up with solutions for my state.

For all new mums like me I would like to share five ways to not ever have the worst break up of your life

1. Prioritize- As they say First Things First. Your first priority should be You and your baby. Period. Laundry, cooking, cleaning can all take a back seat. If you think you don’t feel like cooking, order something. Keep those laundry for next day and let those toys be scattered around house for a while. Don’t think about what others might say. You can complete your chores as soon as you gather back yourself.

2. Be an opportunist- There should be no shame in seeking help of your near and dear ones. If you’re lucky like me to have a joint family, don’t shy from asking them to take care of baby or help in chopping veggies or any little help they can offer. Take a short nap or just lie down on bed while they’ll take care of things. If you’re all by yourself, hire a help if you can. You can invite your neighbors for tea and while you make some, they can take care of baby… Good relations always go a long way. Neighbors are always the first rescuer so maintain warmth with them. But never forget to return the favor whenever time comes.

3. Strike chord with your interests – Whether it’s your love for painting or writing or reading or any other hobby, DO MAKE SURE to take time out for it. Believe me, there’s no other stress relieving therapy as to do what you love.

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Play your favorite music while cooking or try some easy, quick painting, craft etc while your baby naps. I made hand painted tshirts for my husband and my father on Fathers Day with help of liquid embroidery colors, when my baby took his afternoon naps. 

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Infact, right now while my baby is fast asleep beside me, I am having my de-stress session by writing what I feel. Writing makes me feel good and that’s what I am doing whenever I can. 

Now I know that you just got to take that first step and slowly you’ll automatically find time for doing what you love!

4. Befriend Nature– Nature always has to offer you the peace and serenity you deserve. Make sure to go for a stroll in evening with your baby. No need to open your wardrobe or wear make up. Just tie up your hair in a messy bun, splash some cold water on your face, pat it dry if you want to and you’re good to go!  Your baby loves you that way and that’s what matters the most. Just enjoy a 10minutes stroll in your locality. Enjoy some fresh air. Tell your baby all that you see. He will also connect with it really well and would get to learn new words and observe new surroundings.

5. Cheer yourself– Last but not the least, cheer yourself. As a woman and mother we play multi roles all at the same time with little honor or acknowledgement. There is a Durga in everyone of us. We are doing a great great job…A job that no one on earth could ever take up. We are the chosen ones and so let’s celebrate ourselves every moment. Pat our backs and cheer ourselves!!!

I have learnt my lesson and would want you to learn from mine. Come, let’s take a promise to never break up with our own self!

 

Image courtesy-Google.com

Relishing the flavors life has to offer

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